Or, how I learnt to get over my insecurities and learn to love my prostate…

So… here we go… the butt.

I thought long and hard about this… do I want to write about bum stuff? Do I want to be that open? What happens if someone reads this and thinks I’m weird?

And I realised, that’s the point of this blog…

Not to have people think I’m weird. The point is that I started MensToyTester.com because there wasn’t enough information out there on the things I like. It would be disingenuous of me to start something like this up, and then censor myself for fear of what people might think!

I’m big enough to own who I am, and what I like… and what I like, I’ve discovered, is bum stuff.

In fact, if I was completely honest (the main point of having a blog, I reckon), I would have to say it’s one of my favourite things.

It makes me sad…

Not the bum stuff… that makes me happy… it makes me sad to think that there are guys out there depriving themselves of some pretty amazing sensations because of personal hang ups, societal expectations, or because they’re concerned it might mean they are *shock-horror* gay.

As if being gay is something to be worried about. Every gay person I know is fabulous!

Enjoying prostate stimulation doesn’t make you any more gay than enjoying V8 Supercars makes you a Ford.

And, if you are gay, more power to you… feel free to get in touch and give some advice as to how to really enjoy this!

If you’re worried about what your partner might think of you, my experience is don’t be. If they love you, and you’re both secure in your relationship, then bum-play is just another tool in your love-making toolbox.

Or you could always start off solo… see if it’s really your kind of thing before bringing it up with your partner.

Let’s back up a second here…

Hahahaha… back up a second…


Anyway… before we can talk about prostate stimulation, my manly man friends… we probably need to talk about the prostate.

Diagram showing the prostate gland location in the male body
Obligatory medical diagram showing where to find your prostate
– image from TeenVogue

The prostate is a small gland located just below your kidneys and bladder. In healthy blokes its about the size of a walnut, and it produces most of the fluid that carries sperm when you ejaculate.

This fluid is pretty important for reproduction… it lubricates the urethra, neutralises acid, and helps to create an environment where sperm can survive long enough to impregnate an egg.

It also means that you cum ropes, as opposed to dribbles.

Finding the prostate…

Google maps not required.

Luckily, there’s not many places to look. The prostate is pretty dependable. It’s not like the female g-spot – which can sometimes change its location depending upon whether your partner is tired, or stressed, or what the weather is like, or what the sheet thread count is.

Sheridan 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets
Oh fuck yeah… just take a look at that Egyptian cotton. You dirty, dirty Sheridan King Set

The easiest way to find your prostate is through your butt. Depending on your body, you can generally find it about 2 inches (real actual inches, not ‘locker-room-talk-measurement-exaggeration’ inches) inside your back passage. It feels like a smooth, spongy piece of meat.

Also, it swells when you’re aroused – so if you cant find it easily straight away, play with your dick a bit… it’ll soon let itself be known.

You can also massage the prostate externally. Not ‘outin-the-backyard’ externally (let’s try not to scare the neighbours)… but if you press hard enough on your taint, you’ll feel some gentle prostate stimulation. Sure, it’s less stimulating, the sensation is a but dulled, but it’s certainly an option if you’re not ready to play inside your butt just yet.

Ultimately, you do you. Whatever floats your boat or butters your muffin… just give it a go.

Hands free sexy times…

Of course, another way to experience all the joy the prostate can deliver, is with a toy specifically designed to stimulate it.

This overcomes a couple of issues…

  • It leaves your hands free to concentrate on other parts of your, or your partners, body
  • It means no one has to put a finger up someone’s butt
    • Which can be a bit confronting to some
    • May not be something you can face raising with your significant other
  • The toys are generally designed to apply pressure directly to the prostate, negating issues of not being able to find it (win!)
  • They’re easy to clean (or you can whack a condom over them if you want to)
  • Many of them contain motors to make them vibrate… if the vibrations are strong enough they can pass right down your cock and your partner will also feel them (double win!)

Slip, sliding away…

So, as you probably already know, your arse doesn’t self lubricate. Don’t go ramming anything up there (not even your finger), without making the way safe and comfortable.

Set yourself up for fun, not friction.

Start with lube. I’ve already written a post about my personal favourites, so half the hard work is already done for you. Use the right lube depending on what you’re inserting, and you’re as good as gold.

Bummin around - WD 40

Think about how much lube you reckon you’ll need… then double it. Then reapply as required.

Seriously, there is no such thing as too much lube in these situations.

Cleanliness is next to godliness…

Time to address the elephant in the room.

The bum is normally an ‘outlet’. There is a good chance, if you go digging around in there, that you may encounter something normally not part of your lovemaking routine.

Don’t freak out about it, there are things you can do to address this.

Bummin around
Be clean, be confident
  • Sort out your diet… eating more fibre (which every doctor already tells us we should be doing anyway), will make you more regular and ensure your bowel movements are more ‘self-contained-easily-cleaned-health-nuggets’ and less ‘dear-god-please-help-me-it’s-like-playdough-and-I’ve-wiped-and-I’ve-wiped-and-I’ve-wiped-and-I’m-running-out-of-toilet-paper-Jesus-make-it-stop
  • While we’re talking about eating, if you think butt stuff may be on the cards, skip the Big Mac that day and try eating a little lighter
  • If you’re super worried, then douche your back passage. You can get simple kits to help with this without having to visit your local adult store… most chemists carry them (the pretty pharmacist won’t have any idea about what you have planned, and trust me – she doesn’t care)
    • Don’t go too hard on the water cleaning. You only need to rinse out the entry (remember how far in the prostate is – see above)
    • Your butt has two sphincter muscles, one near the entrance and another further up. If you push too much water in, and it goes past the second muscle and into the colon, then you won’t be able to trust a fart for the next 24 hours lest you release a torrent of trapped water all over your Calvins
  • If you’re going the finger route, grab some disposable gloves from your local supermarket. The nitrile ones are the way to go.
    • And if you, or your partner have longer nails, make sure you prep a little for safety’s sake. You don’t have to cut them off, just break off some little bits of cotton wool balls and jam them down into the tips of the gloves. Not only will this protect you from discomfort, but it will stop your the nails from tearing through the glove and rendering all your hard work useless!
Hercules Nitrile Gloves - a 24 pack of fun times
Hercules Nitrile Gloves – a 24 pack of fun from your local Woolworths!

Next, lay a towel down… just in case. Even if it’s just to stop you from getting lube all over your sheets, or to take away any anxiety about mess.

Relax, play some Simply Red if you have to, apply as much lube as you think necessary (and then double it, remember)… and go to town.

What am I doing…

First off… find your prostate. Again, about two inches in and towards the front of your body. Don’t be afraid to move around a bit to find a position that works for you, some people like it on their backs (good when your partner is the one doing the massaging), others like it lying on their sides (easier on your wrist if you’re working solo).

Once you’ve found it… don’t poke at it. It’s not an operators console. You want to massage it, stroke it… apply firm pressure across and around the prostate, and you’ll soon find out what you like.

If you’re using a prostate toy, let it do the hard work. You may want to play around with it to get it firmly in the right spot for you, or rock back and forth on it to simulate massage.

You may feel the urge to pee. That’s okay, and normal. The prostate is in a nerve rich area of the body (the main reason it feels so good to play with), and it also butts (hahaha) up against your urethra. It’ll be a new sensation, so just relax into it.

Am I doing it right…

First off, my experience in sex (which is extensive, no matter what anyone else tells you – who have you been talking to?), is that there is generally no ‘right’ way to do anything. You do what feels good, you do what you and your partner (if there is one involved) is comfortable with, and you do what works.

You’ll soon know if it’s for you because

  • It’ll feel amazing
  • You may start to leak cum everywhere
  • You might orgasm

On that, a prostate orgasm is different to a cock orgasm. It’s less BANG, and more build up. A prostate orgasm can feel like its going on for ages – for me it generally starts with a whole body warmth, and it can come in wave after waveof pleasure. I think it’s about as close as a guy can get to experiencing a female orgasm for themselves.

One last thing, we guys are single minded. When you’re prostate is being stimulated, it’s about all your body can concentrate on… so don’t be surprised if your cock isn’t rock hard. At this point, it’s not about your dick… so don’t be self conscious.

Just lose yourself in the experience and enjoy it.

Learn more…

If you’re interested, I can not recommend the book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure : Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners by Charlie Glickman enough. (This isn’t an affiliate link, I’m not getting any kickbacks, I just think the book is great.)

Also, the image above showing the flow of a prostate orgasm comes from MrRacy – who writes some wonderful pieces. Please check his work out.