Hot Octopuss… yessssssss

Open and Transparent

Start your engines, I was lucky enough that Hot Octopuss provided me with a free JETT in return for an honest review. This is important because I am a new blogger, with only a small (hopefully devoted and growing) following… so it’s really a leap of faith for Hot Octopuss to take a chance on the ‘new guy’, with no guarantee of huge readership or increased sales.

That Said…

I’m not completely new to the work of Hot Octopuss… I am already the happy owner of their original ‘Pulse’, which I purchased when it was first released a couple of years ago and I was working as a fly-in-fly-out miner.

Well… I was the happy owner until I left my dopp bag at a hotel after checking out, with neither it, nor my beloved Pulse ever to be seen again.

So to say I was excited to get the opportunity to road test Hot Octopuss’s new offering, the JETT, would be an understatement!

Going In Blind…

Start your engines now
Picture this, but naked and aroused.

I made the conscious decision not to read any other reviews about the JETT before I had the chance to write this review. I’m looking forward to hearing what other have to say about the product, and whether I’m in consensus or if I’m a weirdo 🙂

Having had such excellent experiences previously with the Hot Octopuss products, I already had an understanding of what to expect… so I was looking forward to the JETT with much anticipation!

Just Get On With It…

Since starting this site, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs online… and nothing sucks the fun out of reading a post quite like an author in love with the sound of their own words. You know the type, cooking bloggers who want to tell you their life story as if they were a character in a Chaucer tale instead of just cutting to the chase and telling you how to make the world’s best grilled cheese. I’m going to try not to become one of those writers and I expect you – dear readers – to hold me accountable.

Start your engines - Straight up, Hot Octopuss
I remember it like it was only yesterday – Nonno would bounce me on his knee as the sunlight streamed through the local strawberry trees, and sing me the songs of the revolution from the old country, while Nonna would slaughter the fattest sow with only her bare hands in preparation for the coming solstice feast…

First Impressions…

Straight up, Hot Octopuss has their packaging game on point. The JETT comes in a stylish mirror / harlequin finished box that manages to convey sexy, masculine, and erotic all at the same time. I don’t know about anyone else, but I find it refreshing to see an adult toy treated like a high-end product and not a novelty toy with packaging covered in cavorting naked ladies, sexy cartoons, or a plethora of dicks.

Hot Octopuss
The JETT packaging says that Hot Octopuss take adult toys seriously… and I like that message.

Inside, a plastic tray holds the controller as well as the silver bullets. You are also provided with instructions, and a storage bag… with everything hygienically sealed for your protection.

You will need 4 AA batteries (not included). I know some may be disappointed to not see a rechargeable battery built into the device… but I’m okay with that. Nothing worse than getting into the mood and then finding out you forgot to recharge your toy… at least this way all you have to do is raid the nearest remote control and you’re on your way.

Just guessing here, but not having a rechargeable battery may be a way for Hot Octopuss to keep the price point of the JETT more accessible. I remember that the Pulse was significantly more expensive than the JETT is advertised at, so making use of standard AA batteries might make this product more affordable for people wanting to pleasure a penis (theirs or someone else’s).

The bullets may be metal looking, but are actually hard plastic. They have a nice ‘heft’ to them – feeling solid and well constructed – and operate admirably when turned on. The weight in the bullets result in some fantastic vibrations.

They fit into the undercarriage of a silicone ‘sleeve’(?) ‘sheath’(?) ‘strap’(?)… into which you slide your shaft, resting the bullets on the frenulum (bottom side of your glans).

QANTAS fleet
As seen here

With your dick firmly hugged by the strap, the wires connected to the controller, the bullets connected as per the instructions, and the tv remote no longer working… it’s time to take off.

I’m not sure how many of my readers are also Australian, but with the two metal bullets hanging in place the only way my cock could have looked more like something from the QANTAS fleet is if I had tattooed a flying kangaroo on my balls ?

My first experience
Seen from the front, the resemblance to my downstairs is simply breathtaking.
My penis, however, does not accept frequent flyer points.

Arm Doors and Cross Check

Each bullet of the JETT is designed to provide a different kind of vibration… one is super deep and rumbly, while the other is more buzzy and quick. The beauty is that each bullet is controlled separately by the device, so you can dial in the exact sensation that best suits you.

Feel like some low and slow rumble, with a high pitched finish? Press the buttons until you get what you’re looking for.

Want to imagine what your dick would experience in the middle of an earthquake, surrounded by a horde of bees… you can do this too with little effort.

Seeking to replicate the sensation of a sing-off between the Foo Fighters and Celine Dion – with your shaft playing the part of the audience? Well, that’s fucking weird – but hey, you go ahead and live your best life.

The possibilities are endless.

The controller also has a number of pre-set vibration patterns… which are incredible. Some of them feel seriously close to pulsation, and will definitely make your nether regions dance. Others are amazing if you are into edging… taking you to the precipice, and allowing you to back off time and time again. Pretty impressive stuff.

Not to mention, but again Hot Octopuss have delivered a product that can be used erect or flaccid. This is fantastic for those penis-owners of all abilities to enjoy the stimulation, and I tip my hat to the designers.

First Time… Failure To Launch

My first experience was frustrating… which is one of the reasons for the delay in my writing this post. I tried and tried, but I just couldn’t come with the JETT the first time I used it. Whilst it felt amazing, and I was rock hard and enjoying every minute… I just couldn’t finish.

I put this down to my personal expectations for the product… having previously experienced the Pulse, I think I may have been self sabotaging looking for the same kind of sensation?

Maybe I just wasn’t in the right headspace, maybe I was overthinking things, maybe – this being my first sponsored toy – I was trying too hard to ‘review’ and not enough to ‘enjoy’.

Who knows?… I write articles about my dick, so my psychoanalytical credentials are questionable at best.

Eventually I took matters into my own hands, sorted myself out, and made a plan to take the JETT on my upcoming work trip for an extended trial.

Boy Am I Glad I Did…

Just this very night the JETT has been able to sort me out thrice.

Start your engines
Thrice I say.

Slipping into the sheath will likely require a little water based lube as it is snug. Kicking off the vibrations, running through the pre-sets, and finding my own sweet spot has been a voyage of self discovery that has required many tissues and more than one shower.

I cannot overstate the power of the vibrations, and the level of customisation of the experience. The joy of moving up through the intensity, and then bringing yourself back as and when you like is fantastic, and the product is easy to use and quick to master.

Clean up is a cinch, while you can’t submerge the bullets – you can remove them and wash the sheath under running water.

The controller can be wiped down if you need to, and the raised simple buttons make operating in the dark intuitive.

There are a couple of cons however…

  • The control unit is a little lightweight and ‘plasticky’… It doesn’t measure up to the quality of the experience. If you pick this up in a store (and it doesn’t have the weight of the batteries in it) you might question the quality of its construction. I’ve not had any issues with it, but I just wanted it to feel a bit more ‘premium’… to match the sensations it delivers.
  • The sheath can be tight – the first time I tried it on, it wasn’t an easy job… but, as stated above, this is easily solved with a little water based lube.
  • The wires could be longer. Bearing in mind that I’m 6 foot 4, but I felt a little constrained when using the JETT due to the length of the wires between he controller and the bullets. This is a really picky whinge, but I promised an honest review of my experience!
  • Don’t wear your Prince Albert while using – I did, and my cock sounded like it had a set of novelty chattering teeth attached as it smacked back and forth against the bullets at speed. Pretty funny working your way through the settings, and not an entirely unpleasant experience, but I’d have to ask the occupants of the hotel room next to mine if it was at all offputting or distracting (as they attempted to watch ‘The Chase’ at the highest volume their tv could handle this afternoon).

Final Thoughts

If you’re looking for a fun way to introduce your, or your friend / loved ones, penis to the joy of bespoke vibration sensations… then you should get a JETT. It’s fun, effective, and relatively inexpensive in the world of quality adult toys.

It takes its job seriously… it doesn’t try to hide behind gimmicks or bullshit marketing… and all-in-all, it’s a quality and fun experience.

In the world of adult toys, vagina’s have a world of choice. With such a wide selection of vibrating toys on the market geared towards them, there really is something for every taste. Cocks, on the other hand, are oft overlooked – options are limited – however, I would challenge anyone to find a dick that didn’t respond favourably to the JETT.

That said, if you are genuinely looking for the royal treatment for your dick… then spend the extra and get a Pulse. As much as I thoroughly enjoyed the JETT, the overall feeling it has left me with is a wistful sense of longing and loss for my old Pulse. The Pulse may have used different technology, but it worked for me (seriously, the hardest I ever came was using the Pulse). The JETT is a great ‘guybrator’ introduction, but the Pulse is an absolute masterclass.

You know what, forget that… just get them both 🙂

You can watch the JETT.